I often get the question: “what’s the difference between a sex coach and a sex therapist?”
Or even just the simple: what is a sex coach?
Sex coaching is a relatively new industry, so it makes sense if you haven’t heard of it!
“Sex coaching” might conjure images of a ref next to your bed, complete with black and white striped shirt and a whistle, alternately cheering you on and calling you out. Thankfully, this is not what I do.
Sex coaching is an alternative to sex therapy. Often, a sex therapist works with couples to diagnose and treat specific sexual pathologies, or help couples with what isn’t working in the bedroom. In sessions, couples might learn to communicate better around sex, and process the wounding and trauma that might arise around sex. Sex therapists often help with sexual addiction, mismatched libidos, and partners who aren’t enjoying sex. They might teach couples how to work with a myriad of sexual issues.
A sex coach may or may not work with couples. Most often, I work with individuals on anything related to sex—from learning skills to enhance self-pleasure, to sexual empowerment and liberation, to healing from sexual wounding and trauma. A sex coach might specialize in something, like sex addiction, boundary repair, or teaching tools for full-body orgasms. It’s important to learn about each sex coach you might work with through their websites and social media, to get a feel for what they offer and how they see the world.
A sex therapist almost always has a Master’s Degree in Counseling or Social Work. They are licensed from state to state. Some therapists take health insurance, while many of the best do not!
A sex coach, on the other hand, is not licensed. They might be certified, as I am (I hold an 800-hour certification from The Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, run by Layla Martin). They may have taken continuing education to become more adept with trauma resolution or somatic sex education (again, these are extra trainings I’ve completed to better serve my clients). On the other hand, they may have simply done self-study and now call themselves a sex coach.
It’s important to do your research and hire a coach you feel comfortable and safe with, as each practitioner touts different strengths and gifts.
What might I experience in holistic sex coaching?
I personally offer packages of sessions, as unwinding old sexual stories and belief systems takes time. Most of us have inherited beliefs around sex that have repressed us in some way. Not only will you learn how to increase your pleasure in our sessions—you’ll unwind from trauma using somatic processes and psychological tools.
In an online sex coaching session, we will use mindfulness and resourcing to come into the present moment. Resourcing means growing your resilience by aligning with what feels neutral, stable and grounded, such as a nature element, or the feel of your feet on the floor and the ground supporting you.
We will work with a desire that you have. Desires from clients:
To know myself sexually. To be able to embody my emotions and pleasure.
To have full-body orgasms.
To heal around anxious attachment (i.e. be able to date without freaking out about text messages, saying the right/wrong thing, beating myself up)
To be able to share about my STI confidently and compassionately.
To stop feeling panicked around sex, and to heal from a sexual assault.
To be happy and confident in my body, and not worry about how I look during sex.
To make self-pleasure a joy-filled rather than shameful experience.
To figure out what I like and want from sex, and how to communicate this to my partner in a way that doesn’t cause discord or fights.
To find my voice, stand up tall, and be confident in all of life.
To be more connected to pleasure. To be more connected to my inner fire without collapse.
As you can see, some of these desires are more overtly connected to sex. And some are not! Often when a client comes to me with a sexual issue, we spend at least 50% of our time on issues that relate back to when they were a child or teen. So many of us experience wounding growing up, whether our parents were present or not.
Being able to take care of ourselves deeply and learning how to avoid self-abandonment and set boundaries are key to having good sex.
Focusing on Pleasure
Another big difference between sex therapy and sex coaching: sex coaches often have a deeper understanding of pleasure, and tools and techniques to get there. Many sex coaches specialize in tantra, sacred sexuality, or conscious sex. They have done their own intensive training to understand what tools work best to help clients experience better orgasms, deeper pleasure, and transcendent orgasmic states.
The big secret: sex can be ecstatic and even a gateway to divinity.
Should I choose a sex therapist or a sex coach?
It’s up to you! Do your research and see who you’re drawn to. Read websites and About Me sections. I personally prefer to work with sex coaches, but I’m biased. I like the homework between sessions, as well as the guided audios that coaches often provide. To me it feels like faster, more results-driven work—but I have only worked with highly trained, certified coaches.
If you’re interested in learning more about what I offer, you can check out my Somatic Coaching and Sexuality Coaching pages. I work with people of all genders. I love my work and I’d love to connect with you if you feel called to explore working together!